What If
by Flamer89
Summary: Sonfic in first chappie, What If rose could find a way out of the parrallel universe, would she take it? Please read AN at bottom especially if you follow Torchwood!


A/N: at the bottom so as not to ruin the flow.

Disclaimer: Now honestly people... would I be writing this on here if I owned Dr. Who! No, it's be a script!!

What If?

_Here I stand alone  
With this weight upon my heart  
And it will not go away  
In my head I keep on looking back  
Right back to the start  
Wondering what it was that made you change_

That was it. My last chance to say goodbye to him. And I squandered it with small talk. We never had to make small talk before; we always spoke what was in our heads. Although looking back, did we? I never told him I loved him, though I felt like I screamed it to him most days. And did he... did he love me? Why wouldn't he tell me? The new doctor was a no nonsense kind of guy, the old doctor wouldn't have said anything for my safety, but I thought this one would. Maybe I was wrong. This hurts more than anything, turning I see my mum and she runs to me, my legs feel numb but I'm sure they're moving towards her. How can I move on from this?

_Well I tried  
But I had to draw the line  
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind_

Well, I cried for months... still do occasionally; I tried to find him again. I returned to the bay everyday for a solid month but eventually I had to move on. I left some wild flowers on the beach in the place I last saw him. I pretended he'd died to help me move on. It didn't, I still questioned the moment I'd been torn from him.

_What if I had never let you go  
Would you be the man I used to know  
If I'd stayed  
If you'd tried  
If we could only turn back time  
But I guess we'll never know_

If only I could've tightened my grip that little bit more, or held on a little longer. I can still see his face as I flew towards the vortex. In his eyes were grief, regret, anger but also relief? No, that can't be right, acceptance? It was as if he already knew what was going to happen, as if he knew he'd lose me.

_Many roads to take  
Some to joy  
Some to heart-ache  
Anyone can lose their way  
And if I said that we could turn it back  
Right back to the start  
Would you take the chance and make the change_

I try to make a life for myself in this universe. Mickey's already got a fiancée. She's a lovely girl; she's called Melanie and works at Torchwood. Most of us work there now, except my mum. She likes the idea of being a kept wife! Thinking of them brings a smile to my face, and the brighter side of working at Torchwood means that I get my hands on all alien technology. Like I said, I tried to make a life for myself, but all I can think of is finding someway to get back to him. I often wonder if the Doctor is trying to find a way to get back to me. Would he risk crossing the paths of time, go right back to the start when he first met me in that other body in the storage area of a department store. Would he warn himself, or me? Would he take that chance and make the change?

_Do you think how it would have been sometimes  
Do you pray that I'd never left your side_

Most of my time I spend researching, the rest I think of him, what he's spending his time doing. Saving the world, finding a new assistant, an equal, discovering new galaxies with them... thinking of me at all? That acceptance I saw, the knowledge that I'd leave him... did he ever consider that it wouldn't be my choice? Does he wish that he'd fallen into this other universe with me?

_What if I had never let you go  
Would you be the man I used to know  
If I'd stayed  
If you'd tried  
If we could only turn back time  
But I guess we'll never know_

Again, my thought swims with 'What ifs'. If only I'd held on, stayed with him. If he'd tried to grab me, let go of his own lever so we'd be here together. If only he would go back in time and warn ourselves to save us from this misery. Or maybe it's only my misery?

_If only we could turn the hands of time  
If I could take you back would you still be mine_

Heading back to another day of work at the 'office', my heart races with panic. If this succeeds, if by some divine intervention I could go back, is he still there waiting, or has he moved on?

_'Cos I tried  
But I had to draw the line  
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind_

It does work, something divine has intervened. But can I go through. This doorway I created, I have the key to lock the door behind me. I suppose I could always return if I wished. But is that what I'll do, spend my life flitting between the two universes?

_What if I had never let you go  
Would you be the man I used to know  
What if I had never walked away  
'Cos I still love you more than I can say  
If I'd stayed  
If you'd tried  
If we could only turn back time  
But I guess we'll never know  
We'll never know_

Of course I will. I love him. It won't stop the event from happening, but it'll give me a chance to find him again. I could never move on without knowing the answer to 'What if'.

* * *

A/N: Well, around the christmas time, this song by Kate Winslet (again don't own) gets sung and I found myself thinking the lyrics fit quite well... now it may seem like a oneshot, but I actually have a little story planned for this, perhaps 3 chapters in all? I know not much, but before the next chapter gets up, I'm gonna need to find out some stuff about the new Torchwood series, because I kept missing it, so I gave up. But now I need it for info on Jack (little hint there) as he's making an appearence in the next chapter. So if anyone would like to fill me in.. either review or p.m me! Thanx! Bye!! 


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